Wednesday, July 11, 2012


Rec'd my 3rd letter from bMother yesterday. Ripped it open like a present on Christmas morning, sat down and all else faded away.
She never addresses them to me or signs them which I find strange. As if I don't matter or exist. Like she's writing to an anonymous source that has no connection to her. It diminishes me I feel.
She tells me "I am the kind of person who gives away a baby, tosses her in the trash."
What the hell does that mean?
Did she toss me in the trash? Did she think of me as trash?
She says " That is why I treat my children like Gods, let them walk all over me."
I got news for you lady, I AM YOUR CHILD!
Does she have any idea how those words sting?
Was I not worthy of the same adoration because my father is black?
She stayed with him for 3 years during and after my birth.
So it's OK to have a long term relationship with a black guy in the 60's but not OK to raise the child you created?
She kept an older sister that has a white father and a younger brother with a white father.Gee thanks "Ma"....
I find no comfort in her words or actions, no solace, no warmth.

She doesn't respond to the many questions I have asked and instead gives me her version of history.
This cat & mouse game we are playing is childish as best!
Sending what information she deems viable though the mail is time consuming, annoying and infuriating.
I don't understand a mother that doesn't want to know her child. I don't understand her fear or reluctance to tell me things I have the right to know.
We don't have to be friends, we don't have to be anything, just answer my questions and I'll be on my way.
Is that too much to ask?

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